My Future in You
by seilleanmor
Summary: "Hey baby," she whispers it, slow slide of the words past her lips. Her tongue darts out to moisten them. She has more to say, so much more. "It's Mommy." COMPLETE


_I'll put my future in you_

_Coz you are my one and only_

_And you can wrap your fingers round my thumb_

_And hold me tight_

_It'll be alright_

**_-_Small Bump_, Ed Sheeran_**

* * *

**My Future in You **

She curls up on the couch, mug of tea in her hand, palm floating down to rest on the gentle curve of her stomach, cupping the small bump.

"Hey baby," she whispers it, slow slide of the words past her lips. Her tongue darts out to moisten them. She has more to say, so much more. "It's Mommy."

Oh, okay. That chokes her, that thought. Those words. She inhales through her nose, closes her eyes, has to force her shoulders back down. She takes a sip of tea, feels the absence of caffeine scald her as she swallows and presses against her abdomen, allows the solidity of it to remind her why.

She drops her head back against the couch. "I'm sorry baby. I put you in danger today and I'm so sorry."

Nausea rolls over her in waves; she clenches her fists, fingernails sliding into the crescent moons already on her palms. "This is what I do. It's my job to catch the bad guys, even if it means putting myself at risk. But it's not just me anymore, and I was too blind to see that today."

She laughs, hysteria acrid on her tongue. "Kevlar. That's what I put between you and the bad guys. Kevlar."

She puts her mug of tea on the side table, settling it on the NYPD coaster Rick found from God knows where. Brings both hands down to her stomach and massages it gently. There's no movement yet, but she still likes holding it, likes the firm reminder of where she is. What's important now.

She's quiet, doesn't want the words to permeate any more than herself, doesn't want the air to remind her later. "Your daddy is so mad at me."

Even whispered, it cuts at her. She closes her eyes, sees the fury etched on Rick's face, remembers his words, and has to open them.

"_You don't get to do that, Beckett. It's not your child, it's ours. You don't get to put our baby's life in danger." He hesitates, she watches him curl in, protecting his heart in the most animalistic way. "I can't lose you, Kate, you know that. I can't lose either of you." And then he turns and walks away._

She wants to cry. She wants to sink under the waves of agony and guilt crashing over her head. She wants-

She wants to hold their baby in her arms, kiss the downy head, the paper thin skin, feel the solid lines of the tiny fingers wrapped around her thumb.

She has five months, still, before she can do that. But today. Today, it almost became never.

She bends over, the angle of her grief harsh in her vertebrae. She draws her knees up to her chest, rests her chin on them, her hands trapped between her thighs and her abdomen. "I'm sorry baby. I promise you I won't let it happen again. I'm gonna keep you safe, I swear."

"_Castle-" He's still running his mouth, spouting nonsensical theory about their latest case, still not listening. _

"_Rick. I'm pregnant."_

_He drops his coffee. The lid flies off and the scalding liquid spills out over the floor, splashing up both their legs. She hisses, recoils. He doesn't move._

_And then he does. Then he's gathering her in his arms, kissing her hair, her temple, her cheekbone, everywhere he can reach. "Really? We're having a baby."_

_She chokes out a sob, tears rolling down her face and catching in her smile. "Yes. Yeah. We're having a baby, Castle."_

_A baby Castle. _

_He pulls back, his lips dance against hers briefly. "I'm gonna take care of you, I promise. I'll keep you both safe."_

_As if she needed the reassurance, as if she could doubt._

Oh, God. She has to find him. "I love you baby. I love you so much."

She stretches her legs out, stands up from the couch and turns towards the door.

"Kate?"

She stumbles in her haste to get to him, socks sliding against his wood floor. He's frozen in the doorway, tearing at the symmetry of the threshold.

Her hands wrap around his waist and she nuzzles her face into his chest, feels him suck in air like he's drowning, like she's his oxygen.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please. Please forgive me." He pushes her back softly, holds her upper arms.

"Of course. I couldn't. I'm not. I'm staying right here Kate, I promise." She cants into him again, breathes in the scent of his sorrow and his relief.

"I'm not good at this." The words get lost in the cotton over his heart but she knows he hears. "I can't. You need to help me remember what's at stake now."

He kisses the pale line of her scalp. "Okay. We're doing it together. We're doing it right."


End file.
